Spring Break.......

*before reading the following, please know it was written after a LONG day-don't be judgmental please. Writing this for anyone who might be reading who has experienced a day like this-YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Wrote this Friday night and have waited to post it until today, making sure I wanted to share it*

Spring Break is suppose to be a great week, a break from school, filled with not having to be anywhere early(I would say sleeping in but my darlings have never learned that art), a week spent serving by building houses in Mexico (several years spent doing this-LOVED by all) and sometimes a vacation to somewhere-that's at least what it looks like in our house. Well, no vacation anywhere this year-building a house kind of takes precedent along with the funds, not ready to leave the country quite yet with all of us, so we stayed around home. We have hosted our almost 3 year old nephew from down south for a couple of days-spent a day at the zoo and a lot of time in the beautiful sunny outdoors. We also took a quick trip about 1.5 hours away to see some dear friends and enjoy a small indoor water park at a hotel (that we have been to before and the kids have been asking to go back, but this hotel experience deserves it's very own blog post for another day).

All of this fun, change in routine, along with a little guest has been too much for J. I was fully prepared mentally, anticipating some rough times, expecting some not so fun behavior, choosing my wardrobe appropriately for some 'pocket time'.........let's just say I have experienced all I had expected, anticpated and a whole lot more. J has been so dissregulated and everything I have done to try and help hasn't had a whole lot of effect if any, or so I feel. It has truly seemed like she is in a 'spot' and is unable to budge or move out of it. Makes me sad, frustrated, angry........she comes from a tough place, has dealt with more in her short life than I ever have or will probably have to deal with and my heart breaks for her.....by the end of the day the 'yuck' had effected us all.

Sharing some of what this 'yuck'- it's tough to do. (Makes me wonder how you will view my children, our family. But if just one other parent reads this and gets the feeling that they are not alone, it is worth it all.) What this yuck looks like in our world is a little girl who works really hard at being annoying to her siblings, seeking everyone's attention at any cost, excessive talking-especially in the car, and playing 'dumb games' just to give you a glimpse (how to buckle, where is the fridge, how to get dressed-all things that she is fully capable of doing). All these were in full force Friday, I will spare you the details.

J's day needed to be done and she went to bed early Fri evening. After tucking her in, Princess greeted me with a hug and this statement "Sorry Mom that you have to deal with this (referring to some pretty ugly behavior)........after taking us somewhere special........thanks for taking us...........you now have all our laundry to do, too...........you could teach me and I would do it for you" LOVE this girl and my heart breaks for her, too. Not only does she have to watch/listen to her sister's behavior she watches her Mom struggle thru it. We were able to talk a bit tonight about the need to remember that J comes from a tough place and what she has had to overcome and there are times like this week that are just too much for her and she is not yet able to verbalize all her feelings, therefor they come out in her behavior. Our 3 biological children 'get' that, i really think they do, but they are children and easily forget it in the midst of dealing with the behavior (just like I do at times).

Praying that the Lord continue to lead us down this path He has chosen for us, for Him to continue to pave the road, to give us all the skills needed to be the best parent for each one of our kiddos. I am at peace knowing that all 4 of our kids are growing into remarkable beings because of one another, however, there are some times like this His peace is hard to feel. His peace that surpasses all understanding..........it's just that, we can't understand it........I do long for it and know that in the morning the sun will rise and we will be given the gift of a new day.