Struggling yet again what to write, but having read SO many helpful posts from other adoptive parents I am reminded yet again that I am not alone. There are days that are full of joy and normalcy (for whatever that really looks like) and there are days that just stink. The last few days have been tough ones. I know the why's of the bad behavior-change in routine with school being out a few days, three siblings having birthday parties plans are being made including talks of friends, cakes, etc., talk about our house we are building (anticipation of the unknown), change in the weather............you know, life :-) Yesterday was a long tough day, I went to bed feeling a bit like banging my head against the wall asking for the new day to greet me with a refreshed spirit and outlook. Well I got what I prayed for and not a lot more, reminds me a bit about the scripture saying ASK and you shall RECEIVE.........didn't ASK - therefor I settled for what I thought I needed. One would think I would just give it ALL up everyday to God, knowing his ways are indeed better than mine. Somedays I am a bit better at that than others.
Today I have been reminded yet again of God's faithfulness: I did wake with a refreshed attitude, received an encouraging text from a friend who has been struggling and wanted to share that she was enjoying her morning worshipping the Lord and being in His presence, blessed by a couple of friends shedding a bit of humor into my 'situation', and the sun is shining (no more rain!) The 'situation' I am in includes having a my little Ghanian Princess in my back pocket. When she chooses to make bad choices, she is relieved from the task of making choices, her ability to make choices is taken from her. She keeps a hand in my pocket, physically connected, close, and Mom or Dad (whoever's pocket she is in) are the ones who make her choices-about EVERYTHING. Because of her behavior at school yesterday and the fact that her choice making skills deteriorated as the evening progressed- she did not really enjoy her evening, neither did Mom. As she was being tucked in she was reminded of our love for her regardless of the attitude/behavior she chooses. This morning, I encouraged her to make good choices for the day-it was a fresh start. Unfortunately, she chose to play the 'dumb game'. (Dumb game-when she chooses not to use her brain-locating the microwave/dishwasher, writing her name, putting her shoes on the right feet...the totally obvious, things she is totally capable of but chooses to play dumb) This morning when asked to get ready for school she couldn't find her clothes in her dresser-the same dresser they have always been in. I pointed out to her that she was playing the 'dumb game' and I had really had enough of that game yesterday. I offered her one more chance to get some clothes on in order to go to school, no such luck. So I said "Looks like a day spent with your hand in my pocket and I will be happy to make all of your choices for you..........and I have a busy day and school is not going to fit in my schedule, you will be coming with me" School is a privilege in my eyes-one that she throughly enjoys and loves her social time with her friends. I have spent time with her at school when that is needed (btw-she has an amazing teacher!) To put it mildly she was less than impressed with the turn of events. The battle was over-Mom had not only won but taken all the power. When we dropped the others off at school we went in to pick up her work so she could work on it today. She had the choice of telling her teacher and friends, who asked, why she wasn't staying at school or I could tell them. Here is what SHE said "I have been disrespectful......not obeying.........mean to my Mom.......not making good choices, so my Mom is making my choices......." Then with the biggest smile "See the clothes she chose for me" UGH! Guess I should have made a boring choice of clothes, something to remember for another day.
So today I have had a hand in my pocket, except for when she was doing her school work at the table next to me. I won't say it it has been all bad, but I can count the good moments on one hand. As I type this she is napping, a much needed break for her brain and mine. I will end with this-Parenting is tough, anyone with children knows that. Parenting an older adopted child is even tougher (and more rewarding at times). Parenting looks different with each child-each child has different needs therefor different parenting is required. For our three biological children parenting often 'looks' very similar and more often than not parenting our adoptive daughter 'looks' differently. THIS IS A GOOD THING-she deserves the very best parenting for her and that 'looks' different and that is OK. I am writing this just as much as a reminder to myself as well as a bit of insight for everyone else. Before you pass judgement on us, or for that matter any parent, know that appearances are just that appearances-unless you are in the same parenting situations please don't judge us or assume that we love our adoptive child less, or are being mean or_________you fill in the blank. We LOVE her and want the very best for her, which is why we continue to seek out all the education we can on how to be the very best parents we can be for her, because that is what she deserves.
Praying for less tough days-ones filled with better choices being made.
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5 comments:
My friend you know how many times I wake up and think I am just going to give this day to God and serve with obedience and just know that God is in control....we start loads of days like that and then throughout the day we start getting off course...we start making decisions on our own without seeking him first. This is what Princess is doing...that trust cycle is hard to accept...that she can trust you and that you are just going to be there no matter what! So she takes things into her own hands...and then there you are the GODLY mother that you are.... there literally holding her hand..literally leading her down the right path. You are such a great mom and this is a stressful time. I imagine its how our Father in Heaven feels when we wake up and he hopes we will trust him! She is testing your faithfulness its just hard to believe for her how much you love her...you love her past the stars all the way to heaven...you love her that much. THank you for sharing your walk in faith! Love ya! Rhonda Runnels
Praying for your continued strength, patience, wisdom, and renewal each day- as well as J's.
And, Rhonda's comment, "...just know that God is in control..." got me to thinking- maybe if we all spent more time with our "hand in God's pocket" allowing him to be in control of the choices, to be physically connected, close, we'd all be better off. :-)
Will pray that tomorrow is a better day, friend.
Missy
Wow-such wise words from you both-THANK YOU!
I think I will try and keep my hand in His pocket tomorrow-thanks for that reminder!!!
Wise words from all.... Hang in there JJ and know you too are loved.
Aunt Melba
You guys have taken on a challenge that most people would shy away from. All challenges come with ups and downs..the most we can do is do our best and pray that God takes care of the rest. Know that in the end, the ups will out weigh the downs. I have a friend with 2 adopted children from Haiti and I know she has many days she feels at a loss for what to do. She often posts about having to leave work because the school called and she has to pick up her daughter. So I think of you each with every comment from the other and send up a small pray for peace of mind and His helping hand...Keep your chin up babe!
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